Why knowing how you want to feel during childbirth is more important than what type of birth you want.

Vanessa and her family hired me to support them for the birth of their second baby with a planned VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean).      
 
As part of my prenatal visits with clients, I talk a lot about birth preferences. Birth preferences include what I call "checkbox items".  You know, like the boxes you might tick on a form or birth plan template: ​ 

• I want a VBAC
• I want to labour in the bath
• I don’t want to have an epidural
• I want to have access to gas
• I don’t want an episiotomy
• I want to wait until the baby’s cord is white and limp before clamping the cord

These are important. 

However, the birth preferences I want my clients to really focus and work on are how they want to feel during labour and birth and how they want to be treated.  Feelings that are important to my clients often include phrases such as calm, respected, not pressured, informed etc.

We can't control (but can influence) how our bodies and our babies work during childbirth but we do have control over our actions and role. We can think about how we want the maternity provider we have chosen to treat us. We can determine the level of responsibility we are ready to claim in decision making and the actions we are willing to take to achieve these goals.

Because when the unpredictability of birth kicks in and clients have  to adjust their checkbox items, we can still focus on these feelings and their values.  

How can I change my checkbox items from a VBAC to a repeat caesarean while still feeling informed of what is happening to me and my baby, while still feeling respected, while keeping the environment calm and not rushed?

That’s where the magic lays in a positive birth. 

"HOW the birth is conducted might be just as important as WHAT you do.... Positive communication and interactions throughout the birthing process significantly affect the woman’s experience, which in turn can affect both her mental and physical health, as well as her relationship with her baby postnatally."
Natalie Mobbs, Catherine Williams, Andrew D Weeks 

Click here to read the whole article related to the above quote about the
​importance of the language used by care providers in birth.

In Vanessa's own words

"I was worried (in fact, super scared) that I would have another birth where I walked away feeling like I didn’t have a very nice birthing experience. Hiring Kelly meant that I could work through many scenarios and know that I could put my mental health first and have others ‘checking in’ on my mental health. So as the birth didn’t end up being as I had planned, I came away from the birth this time in love with my new little human.

The most helpful thing was having someone who knows the system on my side. It was like having a very strong emotional pole to hold onto and to feel grounded the whole time. This was important for me as it meant I could be confident in my choices throughout the process. She was a sounding board throughout the birth.

I found the hospital system and birthing classes just gave a general overview of the birthing process but nothing was customised to me and my birthing situation (what happened the first time). This time around, with Kelly’s help, I felt like I had more knowledge so was able to ask deeper questions and research more to ensure I was happy with what was going on around me.

She was a great support for my partner who felt he had a better understanding of my situation too with both my physical and emotional needs. It’s great to have a professional person to looking out for me mentally and emotionally.

Although my birth didn’t go quite as planned (I was hoping for a VBAC but ended up with a RCS) I came away from the birth in my baby love bubble, something I didn’t experience first time round.

Because of this, Kelly is worth her weight in gold."

​Vanessa & Baby Jett - Happy Valley

Author

Kelly is a birth and postnatal doula in Adelaide supporting her clients through all types of births.

To book her as your doula visit her birth support page.