Why knowing how you want to feel during childbirth is more important than what type of birth you want.
Vanessa and her family hired me to support them for the birth of their second baby with a planned VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean).
As part of my prenatal visits with clients, I talk a lot about birth preferences. Birth preferences include what I call "checkbox items". You know, like the boxes you might tick on a form or birth plan template:
However, the birth preferences I want my clients to really focus and work on are how they want to feel during labour and birth and how they want to be treated. Feelings that are important to my clients often include phrases such as calm, respected, not pressured, informed etc.
We can't control (but can influence) how our bodies and our babies work during childbirth but we do have control over our actions and role. We can think about how we want the maternity provider we have chosen to treat us. We can determine the level of responsibility we are ready to claim in decision making and the actions we are willing to take to achieve these goals.
Because when the unpredictability of birth kicks in and clients have to adjust their checkbox items, we can still focus on these feelings and their values.
How can I change my checkbox items from a VBAC to a repeat caesarean while still feeling informed of what is happening to me and my baby, while still feeling respected, while keeping the environment calm and not rushed?
That’s where the magic lays in a positive birth.
"HOW the birth is conducted might be just as important as WHAT you do.... Positive communication and interactions throughout the birthing process significantly affect the woman’s experience, which in turn can affect both her mental and physical health, as well as her relationship with her baby postnatally."
Click here to read the whole article related to the above quote about the
importance of the language used by care providers in birth.
In Vanessa's own words
"I was worried (in fact, super scared) that I would have another birth where I walked away feeling like I didn’t have a very nice birthing experience. Hiring Kelly meant that I could work through many scenarios and know that I could put my mental health first and have others ‘checking in’ on my mental health. So as the birth didn’t end up being as I had planned, I came away from the birth this time in love with my new little human.
The most helpful thing was having someone who knows the system on my side. It was like having a very strong emotional pole to hold onto and to feel grounded the whole time. This was important for me as it meant I could be confident in my choices throughout the process. She was a sounding board throughout the birth.
I found the hospital system and birthing classes just gave a general overview of the birthing process but nothing was customised to me and my birthing situation (what happened the first time). This time around, with Kelly’s help, I felt like I had more knowledge so was able to ask deeper questions and research more to ensure I was happy with what was going on around me.
She was a great support for my partner who felt he had a better understanding of my situation too with both my physical and emotional needs. It’s great to have a professional person to looking out for me mentally and emotionally.
Although my birth didn’t go quite as planned (I was hoping for a VBAC but ended up with a RCS) I came away from the birth in my baby love bubble, something I didn’t experience first time round.
Because of this, Kelly is worth her weight in gold."
Vanessa & Baby Jett - Happy Valley
Do Dads Dig Doulas?
During pregnancy and birth, one of the biggest decisions you will need to make is who you are going to have supporting you and present in your birth space. That decision includes the possibility of hiring a doula to provide information, resources, physical comfort and emotional well-being.
Often it is the mums-to-be from around Adelaide who will contact me first. We'll have a bit of a chat and then they'll take some time to discuss it with their partner. Sometimes I'll have a chat with the other parent at the same time and often their questions or concerns centre around what role a doula will play. Will I take over their role? Why do they need a doula if they have a midwife or obstetrician taking care of them? Why should we invest in a doula when I can support my wife myself?
To help answer these great questions, I thought it might be best to hear from those I have worked with so you can get first-hand information. I sent out some interview type questions for Dads to answer to hopefully make things easy for them.
Thanks to Simon for being the first Dad to share his thoughts on hiring Elemental Beginnings as their doula.
1. What were your honest thoughts when Kate first mentioned hiring a doula?
My first thoughts were very positive. I knew a bit about Doulas before we looked further into it.
I knew that Doulas are quite simply an added set of safe hands who have a lot of experience and knowledge with birth, labouring and after birth care. I knew that having a Doula present before/during and after the birth of our son was always going to be valuable source for us.
2. If you had any initial questions or concerns about working with a doula, what were they?
I had no concerns at all. We had an instant connection with Kelly so I (we) knew it was the right thing to do.
3. Could you talk a little about our work together, both during the birth and before and after, from a partner's perspective?
Reassurance was the key. This was the first time I was involved in the birth of a child. I was nervous but with all our preparation I was fairly confident. I was nervous that I was going to do or say the wrong thing, especially in labour. Kelly was gentle, and her presence was always felt. She knew when to be involved and when to step back. Her subtle guidance just reassured me that I too was doing a good job.
4. If your birth didn't quite go to plan, how did having me there or our prenatal sessions make a difference for you?
Our plan/preference was to have a home birth, surrounded by love and support instead of machines, bright lights and interference. The labour was very long (24 hours) and our son was a little stuck by the end of it. My wife’s heart rate was getting higher and higher so the midwives called an ambulance. We always knew that our ‘plan’ might not go perfectly so we were prepared for the hospital.
Having Kelly there, especially after the call was made to go to hospital, made me feel comfortable knowing that this is something that can happen and that everything was going to be ok. She reassured me that this was normal procedure and our midwives had my wife and son's health as their top priority - something that can be forgotten about in the heat of the moment.
5. How would you explain a doula to your best mate?
A Doula is someone who has a lot of experience in childbirth, someone who offers knowledge, comfort and ongoing support with child birth and after care.
6. What is your advice to other dads and partners who may be considering hiring me, now that you've experienced birth with a doula?
My advice is do it. It is a guarantee that someone will be working with you. Someone who has experience, a safe set of hands, and someone who will help you have a memorable and empowering birthing experience.
If you would like to talk to Simon further about his child's birth, he has kindly offered for me to pass on his email address. Just get in contact with me and I can forward you his details. Just click the button below and pop in your details.
I've worked with a couple of families who have traveled back to Adelaide specifically for the birth of their baby. Navigating a health-care system you aren't familiar with can add another level of uncertainty to your situation and may mean you are away from your family, friends or usual support network.
Hiring me as your doula provides you with a level of continuity of care and a support person who is there just for you and your family.
Thanks to Kate, Craig and their delightful daughter for sharing this with me.
We recently hired Kelly as a doula for the birth of our first baby and she was phenomenal! We moved to Adelaide just 6 weeks prior to the birth and we were in search of someone who could provide continuity of care and support with a public hospital birth. She gave us that... and so much more! Our initial meetings with Kelly helped to inform our approach to the birth, allowed us to work through answers to many questions and left us feeling empowered. During labour, when our birth deviated from some of our original preferences, Kelly supported us in the process of making confident and informed decisions that were best for us and our baby. She has a kind nature, a calming presence and an open heart. If you are looking for a doula, Kelly is a dream to work with and we can't imagine our birth experience without her!
As you can see from my client's own words, birth is unpredictable. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you've taken all the classes, read all the books and blogs and even hired a doula. Mother nature can have her own plans. But what can you do when your birth takes an unexpected turn?
6 Things You Can Do When Your Birth Isn't Going To Plan
Everyone has some kind of plan, hopes, preferences or wishes for how they want the birth of their baby to go. Which is great. Hopefully it means that you've thought about your options and your family's values and made a communication document for your care provider.
If you're a client of mine, we will also talk through your back-up plans while you are still pregnant. This includes what your preferences might be if you change your mind about something, pain relief for example, or if your body or baby have their own plans and you need to consider an instrumental or surgical birth.
So what can you do if your birth is deviating from your original plan?
If you are interested in a birth planning session that covers all this and more, you can work with me here. You'll soon see that I do things a little differently when it comes to birth plans and expectations! Birth planning and coaching sessions are available to anyone and can be done over Zoom or Skype. They can be single sessions to help you prepare for your birth.
This post is not intended to cover what to do if your birth has left you feeling traumatised in any way. If you need support and resources for a bad birth, please use this link or the resources on Pinterest board below.
Every person's reasons for choosing to encapsulate their placenta are different.
It might be that they've heard about it from a friend or in the media and think it sounds like something they're happy to try.
Perhaps they suffered from Postnatal Depression after their last pregnancy and are willing to try everything to avoid a repeat experience.
Some women wish to honour the placenta and complete a full circle journey.
Whatever the reason, they are all equally valid and unique, just as your placenta is.
One of my clients, Kirsty, talks about her reasons and what she experienced from taking her placenta capsules.
I had my first baby in a rural hospital, so I didn’t get to keep my placenta, it wasn’t even an option (or so I thought), and within days of delivery I was slipping into post natal depression. For my second, and last, baby I knew I had this opportunity. The idea of having another placenta literally thrown in the bin was heart breaking for me, and PND is the darkest place I’ve ever been, I would do anything to not experience that again. I can’t say that my capsules alone stopped post natal depression this time, but it helped me form a bond with my midwives who helped me basically smuggle my placenta out of the hospital in a bucket, it made me feel strong, proud, and powerful to be able to bring it home and decide what happened with the parts of mine and my baby’s body. It made me feel like a strong mama bear, using what my body had given me to aid my recovery.
Prepare for an easier fourth trimester with these 25 Secrets From A Postnatal Doula!
Kelly Harper is the owner of Elemental Beginnings Doula & Placenta Services in Adelaide. She provides placenta encapsulation and doula services to families during pregnancy, birth and in their fourth trimester.